It's not about fixing it.
In 1976, before I was born, Louise Hay wrote a small pamphlet, Heal your Body - that was the foundation for a life's work. I came across her book sometime in the year of 2014. I used to live in the self help section of my local bookstore - but I've been the inquiring type with a desire to improve myself since a young age . Blame it on being a Virgo - or in retrospect - the desire to be good enough to be loved- or a search for enlightenment- it doesn't matter. I still have a constant desire to heal, fix, evolve.
My father was a Doctor. He was a specialist in his field, he was also a teacher and well respected. So when I was diagnosed in 2002 with Lupus – an illness that wasn’t common back home – I was very lucky to be surrounded by the best in the medical field, because I came down with a bad reaction to one of the safest drugs around. (my body is truly a medical anomaly- it always makes me laugh.)
Contrary to what one may think – New Age ideas, which really aren’t that new at all, are not a replacement for traditional medicine. Traditional medicine, I have always felt – serves it’s own purpose , has so many benefits and in so many cases is much faster in it’s results. I think of it as a support, a boost, to get things in order so that a deeper healing can begin. Can you imagine trying to heal yourself while your brain is in a fog – or while you are in mind numbing pain?
Like all remedies, it is one part of the equation.
Being diagnosed with an ‘incurable’ illness, was not something that ever bothered me. After my initial reaction to medication and the recovery from it, which took almost a year - I was ready to put it aside and get back to life. Lupus was not a thorn in my side – like everything in my life it was here to teach me something.
But, today’s post is not about the mind body connect really – like the talk, it’s about the role of those around us when we fall sick. For 15 yrs that I’ve had lupus, I’ve had a very full and active life. The lupus was always under control, and life went on. I had a life threatening episode 10 years ago after which all was relatively quiet.
Then early this month, I found myself in the middle of a flare. My achy joints were back, I was exhausted. I was emotional, I couldn’t function. And this time round my father wasn’t there. It has been tough as hell. It’s been harder to recover. I know everyone around me is doing the best they can – but given the full blown revolution in healing – I felt there was a great pressure to get better. To fix myself.
I finally reached a point where I was so exhausted with all the self work. I was forgetting to enjoy and love myself. I was tired of hearing suggestions on how I could fix this , and what I should eat, and maybe I should change my doctor. I finally just wanted to be. My body just wanted a break. It wanted some LOVE + NOURISHMENT, both from me, and from those around me. It did not want to be analyzed anymore.
And this is where I find that a trap exists in the field or the journey of healing. There is a tendency to stray from our own journey and start to analyse the journey of those around us.
We’re so keen on fixing things, we forget the important ingredient of LOVE. We’re partly unable to deal with the fact that illness and disease and un wanted situations will continue to exist. Avoiding them, or fixing them is not the solution. They got that way because we avoided them in the first place. We never gave our bodies any LOVE or acknowledgement in the first place, and here we are doing it all over again.
In this last one month, I have learnt some extremely important lessons crucial to healing. And as I read in one of Wayne Dyers books – we learn the lessons we are meant to teach. You know when you get married, one of our vows is – “In sickness and in health”. In all honesty - Do you really love yourself in sickness? Do you love another when they are sick? Can you accept that right now what they need is love and acceptance? A hug. Support? Perhaps their ailment has nothing to do with them, but is a lesson for you? Not all illness is karmic. Some souls choose to take on illness so that those around them can learn necessary lessons. So let’s not get all judgemental and accept that maybe things cannot be fixed. Maybe they are not meant to be fixed. If they are – they will happen, as the Universe wishes. The path will be shown, the cure will be revealed or
it will transition.
Maybe what illness is teaching us most is how disconnected we have become from each other. Our sense of community has been lost. The patient feels ashamed at being a burden, a problem that disrupts daily life. Have we lost our humanity that we cannot care for the ailing without judgement? Can we come together to be supportive in these times of need. Can we reach a point where we are no longer ashamed to say we need some love? Perhaps then the field of medicine will truly evolve. Because the job is not just of the doctors, and nurses and patients to get better , but of us as a whole. To slow down, take stock and ask are we on the right track ?
Being sick is not something to be ashamed of – or something to hide. Like all experiences in life – it teaches us all something. Patience, a need to slow down, loving ourselves , working together. Your sense of self worth is not based on what you do, how good your health is , whether we can get out of bed or not, what you did today. Our sense of worth comes as a collective, and when we are able to take care of the sick, the weak and the unfortunate with love – then we will have succeeded.
Like Rumi so beautifully said -
"The wound is the place where the light enters you"
I believe illness is an opportunity to let more love within.
Many thanks, to my doctors, my friends, my family - who are there for me, and are part of my journey. <3